Give me liberty or give me taxes!

Yesterday, I was depressed for about three hours following my visit to an online tax filing service. I have been growing excitement in my brainfarm, in hopes of harvesting and selling off all excitement-based assets to fund a trip to the West Coast, specifically Los Angeles, CA. I had looked up airfare on priceline.com ($280 round trip) and was merely waiting to confirm my tax refund before locking in plans for a trip the last week of April. Last year, I made the least money I've made since becoming a working man. Last year was also the first time I've ever had to pay both federal and state taxes. I figured this was a gross anomaly and hadn't considered the idea that I may have to pay again this year. Unfortunately, if you follow me on twitter you already know that, I am once again in debt to the IRS. Instead of receiving a refund for what I hoped would cover my travel expenses, I actually owe the government twice as much. This all because of what I'm considering a final "eff Billy" from Clear Channel. Apparently, they weren't taking enough of my dollars away from me and I never realized it... so, maybe it's sort of my fault too, but not really because eff Clear Channel.

So, I spent a couple hours being bummed that I wasn't going to finally see the Pacific Ocean this year... I'm still kind of bummed, but also a little bit motivated to get my ess together and save up some dollars to go out there this summer. Why am I so stoked to visit L.A.? I've romanticized the place so greatly for a few reasons. A) UCB Theater - I want to be a comedy writer and taking classes at the UCBT would greatly increase my skills and chances of making that happen. B) UCB Theater - So many hilarious people perform regularly at the UCBT, unlike Des Moines, IA where Aziz Ansari cancels, Doug Benson visits for a weekend, and half a year later Louis C.K. comes for one night ($25 @ the Funny Bone, 2/26). We have live improv here in the form of old, unfunny people at the Stoner Theater... nothing like Asssscat or Comedy Death Ray. I have to import comedy via the internet, television, and the films that make it to Des Moines. C) It's month thirty of winter here and anywhere without snow sounds like heaven (but not that stupid Goddy heaven). D) A few of my friends live out there and it'd be really cool to visit them. E) Etc. etc. etc.

So, what am I doing to get my ess together? I'm going to update my resume and try to find a new job in a media-related field (such as television, internet, or non-Clear Channel radio). I'm also going to bust my arse writing sketches and preparing for our web series this spring. Hopefully, I can find some help learning some more video editing skills and become a decent editor (a skill it couldn't hurt to have if and when I make it out west). If you're reading this and know of any media-related job openings, please leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail: wondertaint@gmail.com. Kewl beans - now, I have a sketch to finish writing. It's a dark comedic play on the dramatic "you should call her" scenes in movies... fun.

Do Germans agree it's 2009?

"Hello, German acquaintance. Happy 2008!"
"NEIN!"
"Oh, right! I keep forgetting! Happy 2009!"
"NEIN!"
"Wow, you're really jazzed about it, huh?"
"NEIN!"
"Well you could've fooled me, German acquaintance. You have any big resolutions for the big new year?"
"NEIN!"
"Yeah... I don't know why I do. Nobody ever keeps 'em anyways! Am. I. Right. Slap me five!"
"NEIN!"

(Re:) Resolutions 2009
I. Operation FSB (Fat Shit Billy)
     A. NO MORE MEAT!
         1. This excludes chicken, turkey, and fish.
     B. NO MORE SODA!
         1. Unless you're sick and want Sprite, 7Up, or a refreshing Fresca.
         2. Unless you're dieing and the only thing to drink is soda.
     C. EXERCISE BIKE!
         1. Got one.
             a. Makes my balls fall asleep... really weird sensation.
         2. Use it to ride a couple miles every couple days... IT HAS AN ODOMETER!
II. Operation $S [pronounced "s dollars" (short for "save dollars")]
     A. Get a full-time day job.
         1. Good idea, huh?
     B. Get tax return.
         1. We'll see about that...
     C. Vacation to Los Angeles, CA.
         1. The future home of Billy.
             a. Scout the area for harmful bacteria?
             b. Scout the area for possible employment!
             c. See: The Ocean.
             d. Visit PrrrrtyFood
III. Operation AA (Associate of Arts)
     A. Take remaining courses to complete AA.
         1. File with other useless paperwork.
             a. Assume another $2k in debt.
IV. Operation ABDS (Always Be Doing Something)
     A. WonderTaint/Short Shorts
         1. More YouTube mash-ups for editing practice and random LAWLing.
         2. Writing, Shooting, and Editing Some Short Sketches (Erroneous Capitalization Necessary).
     B. Driving While Stupid
         1. Writing some new songs for a new EP, already named.
             a. It is hilarious.
         2. Play Skappleton 2009!
             a. Moving Mikey did it having only played one prior show.
             b. Moving Mikey did not fare well at Skappleton 2007.
     C. Shroommates
         1. Shoot first episode!
         2. Finish writing second through sixth episodes!
         3. Shoot those episodes!
     D. New Music Review Blog
         1. This idea makes me giggle.
             a. An atypically typical music blog.

Some early results? I've already eaten some beef. It was hidden in the beef/turkey chili that J&K made. THAT ESS IS DELICIOUS! Srsly. Worth it. Otherwise, I've written the first episode of Shroommates, finished a new DWS song (sans lyrics), and managed to lose a couple pounds so far in 2009. I've also managed to have a cold. Boo cold. Boo not breathing through ya' nose.