blah ska blah

A quick reminder that DWS will be playing at the Vaudeville Mews tonight, doors at 5:00pm. We won't actually play until 7:30 at the earliest (I'd guess). Come see me forget the pre-chorus to "Goodbye" (odds are high despite Ginko Biloba supplements taken just before this entry). It'll be a pretty normal DWS set with the addition of a Moving Mikey song and a Slapstick cover that both Moving Mikey and the Mailbox Snatchers played. If you've read my personal band history blog from a couple months ago, you'd know that those are my previous bands. You knew that, right six visitors a day?

This seems like as good a time as any to talk about one of my favorite things. Ska! At some point in eighth grade, I was introduced to The Aquabats. It was at this very moment, my life diverged down a long, ladyless road. Sure, when you're in high school there'll be a couple of your ladyfriends at the ska show and you two will inevitably skank. It's high school and you're in a band... skanking should happen (at least oral skanking). If you're a socially-awkward guitarist with REALLY bad acne, it'll happen once and then in eight years you'll start a blog. Don't worry, the acne isn't quite as bad as it used to be... and you're fat. If you've seen the Less Than Jake, "evolution of a ska kid" t-shirts, you'll see a very real progression (as it is though, the Descendents' "evolution of man" t-shirt is my favorite "evolution of..." t-shirt). Unless you're Streetlight Manifesto, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, Big D & the Kids Table, etc., it's really not acceptable to play in a ska/punk band after high school... let alone, three years after you dropped out of community college, but I do and so what!?! While most of my friends began listening to more rock-oriented genres, leaving ska behind, I've began listening to those same genres, shuffled in with ska. I still enjoy most of the bands I dug that eighth grade year and on. This isn't normal, I suppose. Anyways, one of the reasons these ska tunes are still in rotation is my fondness of the energy in the music. A good ska/punk song is like four Mardi Gras, man! Having a bad day? Put on The Fury of the Aquabats and listen to Captain Hampton and the Midget Pirates! TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE-DOWN! Another reason I dig that ska music, mang: I heart puns and ska is ripe with the worst puns possible. Imo, the best ska-name I've seen was The Skabortionists (Iowa's best ska/punk band, circa 2003). The limitless abilty to throw "ska" on the front of nearly any word beginning with the letter "a" is totally skawesome. Skalmost Heroes! Skanarachist Cookbook! Skaustralia! Skatonement! Skalan Skalda! So many options, IT'S SKAMAZING! Skanyhow, I'm 24 now... and I still listen to and play ska. I'm going to be single forever.

UNBLOG'ABLE THINGS ON MY MIND:

• Bandit Burrito or Shangri-La or Hong Kong or Hu Hot?
• Why was I at a Denver multi-plex, connected to the Bronco's football stadium in my dream last night?
• Why was the stadium surrounded by a field of interconnected trampolines!?!
• Was the little boy who fell off actually me?
• It's really cold outside.
• A water main blew a few blocks from my house this morning. The Des Moines Register informed me via Twitter, when I woke up at 11am.
• Twitter is my favorite.
• @greggrunberg is a New Jersey Informant in Baseketball. Lawl.
• @steveagee is on the Sarah Silverman Program. Season One of which, I purchased last week for $7.50.
• Why aren't @DougBenson and @arjbarker following each other? They were in the Marijuanalogs together. Did they have a skrilla squabble?
  
• @arjbarker was also in Super High Me.
• Zach Galifianakis referred to the UCB guys as "a cult" in Super High Me.
  
• Zach Galifianakis doesn't have a twitter yet (to my knowledge).
• I'm pretty sure I'll be taking a vacation to Los Angeles, CA in April. Round trip airfare is only $285.
• I've never flown before and the idea kinda terrifies me.
• I hope to visit on a Friday when @DougBenson is recording an "I Love Movies" Podcast.
• If I get ahold of Sir, we'll go to Hong Kong or @BanditBurrito.
• If I get ahold of JB, we'll go to Shangri-La or Burger King.
• I really don't want Burger King.
• I'm pretty psyched that the Whitest Kids U Know (@WKUK) have a movie coming out in March. It is entitled "Miss March" and looks like my cup o' tea.
• I hear that "Mystery Team" is written and directed by the guy who made the infamous "Bro Rape" video.
• Both are indie comedies that aren't likely to show @FleurCinema.
• The multi-plex in my dream was named "The Fleur."
• It featured washing machines in the back row of the auditorium's second level seating.
• That's two weird theater dreams in one week.
• Still only one dream featuring Swamp Thing though...
• Time to make lunch happen.
• I need to go pay a bill too... ugh.
  

Stratego Fail

I'm having a pretty good day just laying around watching episodes of Human Giant, so I'm just going to keep doing that. KTHXBAI.

The Wrestler

The Wrestler is finally in Des Moines, opening today at the Fleur Cinema (and the Century... but eff the Century). I was worried that the extended wait to see this film would lead to over-hyping and inevitably disappointment. Fortunately, the movie is incredible and lives up to the much deserved hype.

Looking at the Oscar nominations, The Wrestler was left out of two catagories that given the competition, it should've won out. The first is for Best Original Screenplay, where the nominees are: WallE, Milk, Happy-Go-Lucky, In Bruges, and Frozen River. I chose not to see Frozen River, but did see the rest of those pics. WallE was a one dimensional story... really not much to it other than the spectacular visual effects. Milk is a biopic...which means the story was pretty much already written. Happy-Go-Lucky was a boring piece of shit with a couple cute British ladies and shouldn't have been nominated for anything. Finally, In Bruges was quite clever and a lot of fun; deserving of this nomination, imo. I think Robert Siegel's script should've won this category hands down. The Wrestler is an original story reflecting not just on the hard lives these wrestlers choose, but the effects of living hard until your body breaks down - the effect this lifestyle has on your personal life - being born one person, life changing you, and the choice to try and start over or burn out trying to carry your candle into the sunset. None of the stories nominated (with the possible exception of Frozen River) were so in-depth and personal.

The Academy did nominate Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, respectively. If either wins, it will be tremendously deserved. The only competition for Rourke is Sean Penn's performance in Milk. Both are incredible. On one hand, Penn's character is currently so much more relevant given recent legislation denying basic civil rights to homosexuals. However, again Milk is a biopic. Penn had a model to follow. Mikey Rourke's character shows so much range. In the promotional material, the phrase "tour de force" isn't an overstatement - Rourke gives a powerful and moving performance. Given Marisa Tomei's competition, she should have her Oscar locked up both because her role is bigger than the others and requiring of her great performance.

The other nomination The Wrestler deserved is Best Picture. The nominees for which are: Milk, Frost/Nixon (which I haven't seen yet), The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, and last and completely undeserving, The Reader. What happens in The Reader? SPOILERS! Kate Winslet spends most of her time naked, either screwing a teenager or having him read to her because she's illiterate. WTF? Just because she can't read, she's going to sleep with a minor? Turns out, she did some Nazi stuff and gets old and learns to read, which finally makes her regret her Nazi-actions? WTF!?! This story is horrible. Given that, on the whole it's not a bad movie... just unremarkable. Nominating it shows that the Academy isn't looking for great movies, just formulas. The Wrestler belongs with Milk and Slumdog Millionaire, being recognized as one of the great movies of 2008. I think The Wrestler will stand alone against any of these films though over time, as one of the best films of the last decade.

BTW, Todd Barry is great as the grocery store boss.

Pranking an Immortal

written & directed by: ME!

cast:
Mikey C. as Mike
A.K. as A.K.
Neko as Unnamed Cat

If you like it, please hit the "funny" button. That would make me happy.

Bonkers Dream Alert!

I had a really wild dream this morning just before waking up (at 11:32am... WIN!). The dream consisted of myself and a large cast of people I didn't recognize, placed in an incredibly strange movie theater lobby. I was working, as a theater employee, behind a counter that seemed to be far longer than the theater's lobby. It also featured multiple old porcelain sinks, three popcorn bins, a cotton candy maker, pizza ovens, a can of oil sitting right next to an oven burner that was on, and an assortment of different Wonka-like machinery. There was also a waiting room, apparently between the employee break room and this infinite concession. I was not having a good time working this particular day (I remember seeing light outside the doors on the adjacent side of the lobby). At one point, I was walking through the waiting room and was stopped by an old man in a lifejacket. He said something to me that I couldn't understand. At this point, a child came up to me and reiterrated what the old man was trying to say... yet, I still couldn't understand it. I then asked the old man to "either make sense or fuck off." His kid joined him and they exited the building. I also recall attempting to retrieve a popcorn for a guy who refused to speak... unfortunately, each of the popcorn bins were suddenly seven feet tall and I couldn't reach inside. I asked a co-worker if there was a step ladder and she was not helpful. At this point, I said "eff it" and went back to the breakroom. Instead of a break room, there was a warehouse aisle featuring strange costumes and assorted backpacks. On the top shelf of this long aisle, there were mannequins dressed and staged in strange scenes... one of them was Swamp Thing sitting in a lobby, reading a newspaper. Having had my fill of this madness, I decided to finally wake up. A little more than an hour point five has passed and my brain still hurts. I was faced with the decision to either write about my dream or post a FAIL-BLOG for today. I probably should've chosen the latter...

fullbodycast

I forgot to post that my e-mail was featured in the listener feedback on fullbodycast, Chapter 21. If you listen in at 49 minutes and sixteen seconds, you can hear Kyle read my words. Neat! SouthSiderStudios, ftw.

Going to the Movies, Part II

(Part I can be found @last_Monday_entry)

Now, you're @teh_movies (twitter has changed me). Even better, you're on time and know what movie you're there to see. You are a part of an elite group of movie going patrons (possibly only 2% of the general movie going population). Congratulations, but there's much more to going to the movies than just getting there.

Box Office
The only words you need to say to your box office attendant are "(number of people you're paying for)" and "(any words in the title of the movie you're seeing)." All other words are superfluous and unwanted, unless solicited (sometimes a box office attendant is just in a chatty mood). Pay your money and take your movie tickets. A "thank you" probably wouldn't kill you.

Concessions
Before you step into line to order any concessions, observe how many people are in line in comparison to how many employees are serving. Note this as it should play into your decision-making if the ratio of customers to employees is greater than 4:1. These are the times when you are only allowed popcorn (see: below for specific popcorn ordering etiquette), soda, and candies. Additional concessions such as nachos, muffins, and espresso drinks* are not acceptable. You're going to slow everything down; annoying everybody. Fudge you. No matter the patron:employee ratio, you should know exactly what you want by the time you're speaking to the employee. Also, you should have an adequate number of people on hand to carry away your order. Ordering more than you can carry makes you look even more dumb than you look, dummy. The first part of your order, if applicable, is the size of the product you're requesting. This probably sounds like the word, "large" as in "large soda" or "large popcorn" or "large and in charge." Following the size, if applicable, should be the specific product, such as "Sprite" or "popcorn (see: below)" or "Raisinets." Once your order is placed, prepare your payment and hand it to your cashier. At this point, you grab your concessions and leave the area where orders are placed. You do not linger at this point of sale to place straws or continue wondering if you also want a Hershey bar. Do that away from the place where you ordered as not to hold up the line. Even if there is no line, there is a line. Remember that.

When Ordering Popcorn...
A very sassy, late twentiesish albino once told me, "you can't see a movie without popcorn!" I beg to differ, but concede to avoid argument. What I will tell you is the most important thing you apparently don't already know. When ordering popcorn, you must include the size and your butter preference. Do not make the cashier ask you "what size?" or "with butter?" Jesus H Christ you've already wasted so much time!!! (I didn't place a "." after the "H" in "Jesus H Christ" because I believe "H" to be the full middle name, like the letter "S" in "Harry S Truman.") As a personal request, I beg you not to say the word "grease" in place of the word "butter". Also, one customer, the phrase "no extra grease" does not equal "no butter." Just say "plain," you ass. Also also, when you forget to tell me your butter preference and I ask you for it, do not add the phrase "is there any other way to eat popcorn!?!" to your answer. There are a couple of other ways to eat it, lady. I will show you tonight, when I'm off the clock. Srsly people, just say what size and "butter" or "plain." So very simple and so incredibly important.

Watching the Movie
This stuff is mostly obvious; yet, so very few people observe these rules. Turn off your cell phone's ringer. If you don't know how to do this, you shouldn't have a cell phone. Most theaters instruct you to do this on the screen while you wait for your trailers to begin (as noted in the previous entry, you should be seated before the trailers start, arriving before the listed movie time. Expect to watch the trailers. If you're annoyed by the length of trailers and ads before movies, complain via mail to the theater's owner. A certain independent local theater only shows two-three trailers before their films, w/ no ads! If they can afford to do this, so can the larger chains who have so many more people come through their doors. Personally, I'm convinced that theaters add an extra twenty minutes of ads and trailers in an attempt to get you to the concessions area more often. The longer you're there, the more likely you are to order that Hershey bar). Unfortunately for them, you should know the rule that you are only allowed to get up and leave the theater once during your visit. This can be used for concessions or a rest room visit. If your bladder is too small to make it through the movie without needing two or more visits to the old man's room, then you shouldn't order a soda. If you have the diarrhea, you shouldn't be in public. If you didn't order concessions before entering the theater, or are requesting a refill (the one and only one refill which it is acceptable to request), you must exit and re-enter the theater as quickly and quietly as possible. The longer you're up, the longer it'll take for me, the movie patron, to get back into the movie. If you anticipate needing to visit either the concessions or the rest room before seating, make sure to place yourself near a theater entrance. So... no phones! Also, no talking! DO NOT TALK! DO NOT WHISPER! If you have coughing fits, get the eff out of the theater! There's no excuse for your sounds in my ears. Throughout the movie, you are to be inanimate, peripheral scenery. When the movie is over, pick up your trash and carry it to the trash cans placed just outside of the exit. That's right. Clean up after yourself. Why the eff do people think they don't have to clean up after themselves if they're in a movie theater!?! Once you've disposed of your trash, leave the theater. Do not linger. Employees have to clean the theaters and prepare for the next round of people just like you to further ruin their afternoon or evening. Talk about the movie with your friends and discuss what you're doing next outside. You've paid your admission, but your time is up. Drive safe and we'll see you next time, @teh_movies.

*A special note about ordering espresso drinks at a movie theater: Are you serious? Are you expecting a movie theater employee to be a proper barista? Not likely. Don't bitch if you're drink isn't good. Also, know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino, dummy.

Srsly.

Audio Sync

Did you know, recording in 16-bit audio is suggested not only for its improved quality, but also because it will save you the hassle of rendering a 12-bit audio project to DVD. I did not know this, but now I do. Knowing this before today may've saved me numerous DVD-Rs, but alas I did not know this then and so those discs are lost forever. Had I only the foresight to look into the differences between 12 and 16-bit audio, hours of burning time might not have been aflame in vain (aFIV)! A mere four bits of audio, transferred from medium to medium, so very important. It seems almost metaphoric...metaeuphoric, even.

The issue with non-16-bit audio files seems to be that they do not export keeping video and audio in sync. Depending on the length of the film, the audio jumps ahead of the video and slowly increases that lead up to a couple seconds. This means that on a standard length motion picture (1.5 - 2.0 hours), you can watch about half of the movie before this is too annoying to continue. This is however, not a problem when just putting a movie on for ambiance. The quality of the audio isn't noticably inferior (at least to my ears). When you look at the television though, the noise will not sync up with the video. This is important to understand.

The remedy hear (misspelled for pun) seems to be converting the audio to 16-bit prior to burning. This is what I will be looking into before attempting to render another 12-bit movie to DVD again. If you know how to do this already, you should leave it in the comments. You could be helpful. You could be full of help.