Coming soon?

<-- Yesterday? OOPS!

As you can see, I did not update anything 'round these parts yesterday (Friday). There was no time, what with the sleeping and the working and the poker and the getting pulled over and the setting up the parents' new computer and the sleeping again. Yet, here I am just before that sleep refrain... just dropping in to recognize that I missed yesterday, which pretty much makes this entire last week a fail. Maybe I'll get my s#!% together next week? Shooting footage for the rap video later today. Awesome? Prolly.

Problem Child at Ridgemont High

LATE FORCED ENTRY! vs. Tardy By Nature

I spent most of the day working on a new video with AK, so no update again? Pretty much. I'm eating a horrible QT sandwich and beginning to catch up on comics from the last month. I must say, despite my cries of "SAVE US BEN REILLY! YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE!" following the One More Day storyline in Amazing Spider-Man (Marvel really shat all over some great work by J. Michael Straczynksi), I've really been enjoying the onslaught of new AS-M stories following Brand New Day. Good, fun stories and the art has also been pretty consistently rad; especially Chris Bachalo's work. I really dig sketchier pencils... Skottie Young's art is similar and equally awesome (there was a free "Oz" sketchbook at the Cup featuring Young's work... kewl stuff). I recently had to cut back my pull list at the ol' comic book shop due to financial limitations... sad. I'll still be picking up AS-M, Deadpool, Captain America, Uncanny X-MEN, X-Factor, and Walking Dead... and trades of Fables, Criminal, and DMZ. I'm really cutting back! Not making the cut? X-MEN Legacy, Young X-MEN, X-Force, Thor, both Iron Man titles, Fantastic Four, Invincible, and so many others. I was buying WAY too many books and many of them (I'm looking at you Fantastic Four) were consistently awful (I blame Sue 'Sluthouse' Richards). Any Houser, M.D.... I'm going to get back to reading some more comics. SO MUCH CATCHING UP TO DO!

Start the week off right!

I've got other stuff I should be doing before work today, so I'm going to put zero effort into teh blogz. See you Wednesday!

Other stuff:
Deposit money in bank
Eat tacos
Finish Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman
Return Downtown Owl to library
Avoid late fee
Poop (may have to take place before returning book)

Synechdoche, New York

Synecoche, New York only has a sixty four percent rating on RottenTomatoes.com. This is almost as upsetting as a majority of California voters blatantly being bigots (alliteration, ftw). FACT: People, on the whole, are morons. SUBFACT: You already knew that. I'm not surprised that some of the morons gave this movie a bad review. Charlie Kaufman's directorial debut is wholly awesome and very nearly flawless (the film drags a bit in the resolution - my only complaint). First, the look of the film, his sets and shots, is fantastic (blimp, also ftw). His story, (the script to which I couldn't possibly imagine trying to comprehend) is as brilliant and complex as anything I've subjected myself to. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the next Tom Hanks (maybe his son will make Orange County 2 with Schuyler Fisk; so cute!). PSH's performance enhances to perfection the drama and incredibly dark, dry comedy throughout the film. IMO, he is the best actor currently in the business (just as Anne Hathaway is the best actress and one hot babe). The movie is incredibly profound, but I'm certain that Kaufman has planted obvious clues into the depths of his message within the film; characters announce premises left and right. Still, I have to see the movie again to see which parts in this synecdoche I may have missed.

How To Kick a Cold's Ass

Monday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. As of right now, today? I have kicked that sore throat's ass. Monday afternoon, I developed the sniffles. As of right now, today? I have kicked the sniffles' ass. Yesterday, I started to cough. This probably happened as a result of sniffle juice attempting to enter my lungs and my lungs kicking the sniffle juices' ass(es)... which obviously must have happened because as of right now, today? THE COLLECTIVE ASS OF SEASONAL COLDS WAS KICKED BY MY FOOT. How did I do it? HERE'S HOW!

• ONE-A-DAY MEN'S VITAMIN in the AM. (Just one, srsly)
• Two (2) GINKO BILOBA tablets in the AM. (I don't know wtf these do)
• A bowl of RAISIN BRAN! cereal in the AM. (Fuck yeah.)
• Poop one half hour after eating RAISIN BRAN in the AM. (Old people must poop a lot...)
• SUCRETS HERBAL COUGH SUPPRESSANTs throughout the day as wanted. (Delicious and Effective!)
• Drink LOTS OF SODA! (Fuck diabetes!)
• Eat TACOS from TACO JOHNS in the PM. (It's TACO TUESDAY!)
• Poop one half hour after eating TACOS from TACO JOHNS in the PM. (You may want to purchase a magazine. I suggest MAXIM.)
  
• Wake up feeling more fantastic than Mr. Fantastic. (although, he's never really happy with all of the world/galaxy/math problems left to solve... and with Sue cheating on him with Namor. SERIOUSLY!?! THE SUB-MARINER!?! He must go ass to mouth.)

That is a formula for success if your goal is to kick a cold's ass. It's been proven to work on 100% of Billys tested. Side-effects may include balding, intense Dr. Dogg cravings, and bleeding from the anus. If bleeding from the anus occurs, please call a doctor as this may be a sign that you have a knife-weilding demon living in your anus. If knife-weilding demon occurs, please call anybody you know who participates in LARP. They can rid you of this problem, but for a fee. Remember, in their realm, prostitution may be completely legal (and is probably taxed). Billy is not responsible for any harm that comes to you (anus included) should you try this or any similar method. Do not try if you're pregnant, have ever been pregnant, or knocked up a bitch.

Aw Shiiet!

"ICANHAZTITTIES? LOLKTHX!"

PS: Diora Baird has a fantastic rack. <3

Betrayl?

AIM IM with Chris K. 3/14/08 6:45 PM

Chris K. Hey Billy
William hey bonkers mcnadfest
Chris K. you don't work today?
William nope
William did earlier
Chris K. thats cool
William 8-4
William it's fucking cool
Chris K. when did you stop working at the theater on Fridays?
William now
William and forever
Chris K. so you're majorly cutting down hours
Chris K. ?
William yeah
William 40 at hotel/week
William 8 at radio/wk
William plus any at the fleur = ridulously too much work
Chris K. sitting around is getting to be too much work for you?
William YOU SHUT YOUR FACE MCBUTTCHIN!
Chris K. you will not silence me
William i'm gonna eat so much chinese buffet
William you have no idea whatsoever
Chris K. I just had Chinese buffet
Chris K. and it was way too much
William of course you did
Chris K. I feel really unhealthy
William of course you do
Chris K. not good stuff
William you do FUCKING EVERY THING FIRST!
Chris K. of course I do
William I HOPE YOUR HAIR RECEEDS TO YOUR BUTT AND YOU SUFFER A PARALYZING INCIDENT (no joke)
Chris K. thats why I rule
William this is why i'm hot?
Chris K. don't you put that evil on me Billy Short!!
William you taste my evil shorts
William babies have 'em
William lolololoolololll
Chris K. so I've decided to buy a Wii this week
William good
William it's about time
Chris K. on Monday I am going to go to Gamestop
Chris K. and ask to be put on their raincheck list
Chris K. if they are still doing that
William they'll say
William that was 2 years ago
Chris K. and then hopefully they get one on Tuesday
William sorry
Chris K. they just started doing that like 3 months ago
William oh yeah

Chris K. ooooh, Jericho marathon on Sci Fi tonight

William i forgot
William that was basically 2 years ago
Chris K. basically, yes
Chris K. I hope I get one
Chris K. I really want to play it again
Chris K. and this week would be a great week to play
William all week
William playing
Chris K. indeed
William so whatcha doin tonight, skrilla?
Chris K. gonna watch King of Kong with my dad later
William is he a hairy man?
Chris K. indeed
Chris K. I enjoy that movie greatly
William is a red t-shirt with brown pants ok?
William i've got a date
Chris K. do you really?
William yep
Chris K. wow, with who?
Chris K. and what color of red?
William girl i work with at the hotel...
William red red
Chris K. nice dude, congrats
Chris K. bright or dark red?
William kinda bright
Chris K. and light or dark brown?
William dark
Chris K. hmmm, that may work
Chris K. I mean I can't tell you for sure
Chris K. do you have black pants?
William yeah
Chris K. because that would work better
William but they're kinda tight
Chris K. show her what you got to offer, haha
William is that in a book?
William you should write a book
Chris K. I really should
William Dating 'Young and Successful'
Chris K. a few more tips from me
Chris K. don't say anything racist or sexist
William i've never before been racist!
Chris K. well you are continually racist, so you probably don't notice
Chris K. haha
William i'm pretty racist
William but this chick is half black
William so i can't be so racist
William only half
Chris K. ah
Chris K. wow, half black
William hopefully her vaginal half
Chris K. I am jealous

Chris K. is it racist that I have always wanted to date a black girl

Chris K. ?
William hahahahahahahaha
William i don't have a date, f00l
Chris K. oh reall?
Chris K. why the heck would you lie about that?
William i just created a new website called "billy solicits hilarious shit from people and posts it on facebook'
Chris K. dude
William hahahahahahahahahaha
Chris K. thats not really cool
William hahahahahahahahahaha
William ::tears::
William everybody's going to know you're a metrosexual racist
Chris K. did you really post it?
Chris K. thats not cool man
William hahahahahahahahaha!
Chris K. like seriously not cool
William are you not cool with that?
William 'cuz it's pretty funny
Chris K. like seriously not coo
Chris K. l
William like exclamation point
William or you won't talk to me for a week
William with an exclamation point
William 'cuz.... it's pretty funny

Chris K. like not talk to you

William i can show james right?
Chris K. because I don't feel I can trust you to not post it
Chris K. thats fine
William that should satisfy me
Chris K. I don't care if anyone who knows its jokingly sees it
William ....should
Chris K. but people who think I am racist and whatnot its not cool then
William well dude, i've gotta save this convo. and go eat china
Chris K. ok man

Chris K. thanks for the non-betrayal, haha

Chris K. take care

I just found this conversation saved in my documents folder (which I only look at once every three trimesters). Now that my former 48 Hour Film Project partner, Chris K. and I are no longer on speaking terms (this as a result of him responding to my genuine interest in a project by being a condescending prick), there's really no reason not to post this somewhere... like this blog, which according to Google Adsense receives around 150 views a month. That's not much and really, there's nothing too embarassing here. Anyways, here's his website, so you can be friends with him: Fanciful Tattoos. Be careful though, he's surely a better person than you in every respect, despite any kind of reality which us others may live in.

Brandy is sitting up in my room... thinking about YOU! BETRAYL!

Without hearing the song in at least ten years (couldn't be shorter than that could it?), Brandy's "Sittin Up In My Room" popped into my head two nights ago. It didn't strike me as at all odd until it happened again last night. Granted, I was and am a huge fan of that song... I hope this isn't going to be a trand as anything after the 80s was a very bad time for pop music. I'm going to be really sad the day LFO's one song pops into my head again.

My iTunes' Shuffle loves fantasy metal. Gnarly.

A link to pass along on this Friday. BLACKCABSESSIONS.com was introduced to me Wednesday evening by my music guru. It features intimate performances in the back seat of a cab, from a lot of great indie bands. Below, is the video from My Morning Jacket's session. I'd also highly suggest looking at Calexico's session.

Following up on last Friday's post, I have seen both Role Models and Rachel Getting Married. I accompanied some fine film folk to Role Models on Friday evening, after dining at Fuddruckers. Fuddruckers, lol. My turkey burger was effing fantastic, btw. The movie surpassed expectations of mild amusement. I was not aware that the film had an R rating and it definitely deserves it (if you believe in the MPAA's rating system). What's not to love about kids using profanity and talking about boobies? Nothing. Everything about it is lovable. Add to that LARP'ing and KISS references and you have a hit on your hands my good man (in this case, David Wain).

Rachel Getting Married also surpassed expectations. IMO, Anne Hathaway is the best actress in movies right now. She's the center-piece of a great and very unique cast in one of the best cinematic dramas I've seen. Films that make you feel emotions (not gag reflexes) are not my forte; I generally steer clear of them. I must say that it is a great experience though, when a movie does tug at the ol' heart strings. Maybe not feeling any particular way specifically, just mostly in reaction to an induced empathy-overload. It happens. It happened to me a couple of times in RGM (and I'm a pretty cold sumbitch). Srsly.

I've got the rest of today off from work. Movies I'll be watching:

Super Bomberman

Here's another video made from two separate YouTube videos (bless YouConvertIt.com). This video is in honor of the greatest multi-player game of all time (not just for SNES), Super Bomberman 2. The facebook version of this video doesn't have the "Nintendo, Japan" text at the front because I thought of that after I uploaded it and don't wish to spend two minutes re-uploading it. Can anybody confirm the existence of a city named Nintendo? I don't want to google it. Maybe I'll google it... it doesn't appear there is. Japan should be renamed Nintendo, paying tribute to their greatest export. America can be renamed McDonalds. Canada will continue to be Canada. Their three largest exports aren't worthy of countrydom (Hockey, Mounted Police, and Baldwins).

Dummy Up, Uh-Aowoh.

Spelling out sounds is an interesting way to waste more time than you intend. I ran into this for the first time a couple months ago when editing the notorious James Snaps! video. If you've seen the video, you probably wouldn't guess that I spent a fortnight translating those captions. I didn't, but nonetheless you would not have guessed that. It may've taken only an hour or so, I don't really remember... However, I distinctly remember that it took longer than I had expected! I ran into this not five minutes ago when titling this post, "Dummy Up, Uh-Aowoh." I was trying to translate Ben Weasel's 'whoa' in the refrain of the song "Dummy Up," featured on the album "Television City Dream" (my favorite Screeching Weasel album).

Brb. Suburban Rhythm album just finished downloading and requires me systematically creating a new folder structure, formatting the file names with correct capitalization, copying to iTunes music folder, adding to iTunes library, formatting ID3 tags, finding album art larger than 200 x 200 pixels, and finally listening to it!

Getting funky now... my final point here is that whoever creating the ottomottopea for the old Batman television series had it a lot harder than any of us may've realized. He was really good at his job too.



I'm quite disappointed that our great city doesn't have one theater that'll be showing the new Bruce Campbell movie, "My Name Is Bruce." Get some cajones you el theatres! The movie looks like Bubba Ho-Tep with Bruce Campbell playing himself instead of Elvis, but this is completely fine by me. They could remake Evil Dead again with Bruce as himself instead of Ash and I'd be tickled that were using my idea. All I'm saying is it doesn't matter what the plot is, Bruce Campbell is the lead; therefore, get the effing movie.


Another film coming up that I feel exactly the same about is JCVD. You've heard of this movie because it's the best idea to ever come out of whatever country Jean Claude Van-Damme is from. As a kid who saw Street Fighter in the theater at least three times (once at the old downtown movie theater, which was awesome but now is an elementary school), I am a fan of Mr. Claude Van Damme. There's a slew of other Van Damme films like Kickboxer that are all equally amazing. Now JCVD is old and JCVD has to kick some non-JCVD ass... in real (ficticious - granted this could've happened in Bulgaria...) life. Sounds awesome right? Yes. Unforunately, also not playing in the greater (says who!?!) Des Moines area. Yet, we get shit films like Happy-Go-Lucky. Fuck Happy-Go-Lucky. I feel a bitterness towards that film not unlike the feelings of a child towards some jerk who took his kite, ran around with it, then broke and stabbed him in the brain with said kite's non-string parts. He survived.

Off to write a fan letter to SouthSiderStudios' fullbodycast, free on iTunes. Podcasts are to boredom what Catholic Priests are to defenseless young Catholic boys.

Chiengarang!

I screened the movie Happy-Go-Lucky by myself at the Fleur last night. I had a choice between it and Rachel Getting Married, and I made a very poor decision. I had heard that H-G-L was an incredibly optimistic film; that it leaves audiences feeling just as happy as the lead character, Poppy. About fifteen minutes into the film, I realized I had been lied to. I spent an hour and a half waiting for anything to happen (and hoping that anything was the movie ending). It was brutal. Poppy is annoying, but nobody in the film seems to notice that. The only two scenes with any emotional value felt completely out of place due to the monotony of the story surrounding them (a scene involving a hobo, that left me wondering WTF; as well as what I assume was the climax of the movie: the final driving lession). I liked the idea of a light film; especially coming into today and the oppressive weather on the horizon. Unfortunately, this is not a light film. It's two hours of babysitting an adult, who may be retarded. I don't have the qualifications for such a task.

I plan to watch Rachel Getting Married this weekend. After H-G-L though, I'm leary of anything that isn't a silly comedy. I think I'll go see Role Models first... it looks like the type of movie I can't not like. Exhibit A) Paul Rudd. This fella fully won me over in Knocked Up, when referencing Back to the Future at the dinner table with Seth Rogen. However, his roles in Wet Hot American Summer, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Ten, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall have all been just as good. The only potential problem with this film is Exhibit B) Sean William Scott. I've enjoyed two of his roles out of however many he's done. The first being the redneck with a tranquilizer gun in Old School (which anybody could've played) and the second being an excellent performance in a move that I really enjoyed, The Promotion, opposite John C. Reilly. I'm hoping that he'll be more of the latter character in this film versus Stifler. Stifler is too much like a lot of people in real life that I hate for no reason beyond the way they carry themselves. This is why I don't go to Drink! the Original Fun Bar. Dudebros. Fuck dudebros. Maybe I'm just jealous that instead of intelligence, these cocky motherfuckers won out in the gene-pool where it matters (looks, gel-enhanced hair, social skills, and parents' money to buy lots of booze). Exhibit C) McLovin. It'll be interesting to see if McLovin can separate himself from SuperBad with this role and his upcoming caveman in the new Harold Ramis movie. Either he IS McLovin or a pretty decent young actor. Exhibit D) Cameos. There will no doubt be some appearances by people I enjoy seeing in movies. This is always a good thing. The only bad cameos involve Wonda Sykes... I'm looking at you Curb Your Enthusiasm. I dislike Wonda Sykes nearly as much as I dislike Queen Latifah. I'm not racist and/or sexist, I just hate these two women, especially the latter. My proof is that I don't mind Whoopi Goldberg (I used to watch Hollywood Squares everyday after school - Bruce Vilanch, ftw). Remember when Jimmy Fallon made a movie with Queen Latifah? Worst. Idea. Ever. What has Fallon done since? Actually, Fever Pitch was a pretty alright film... and aside from SNL, Mr. Fallon didn't have a great resume before Taxi... I am kinda looking forward to his and Lorne Michaels' take on late night next year; if only because it means Conan replaces Leno; therefore, no more Leno... Who in his or her right mind prefers Leno over Letterman? Fools!

...and I'm out.

Patting America's Collective Back vs. You Scratch Mine, I'll Scratch Yours

I'm not really sure exactly what to talk about now that Barack Obama has been elected. My diet is still going pretty well. I've also been forgetting about my OKCupid.com account a lot and am checking in only once a week or so now. Still haven't gotten those WTF Reports! Women... What else? I still need to find a day job. Any ideas? I watched You Don't Mess With the Zohan a couple days ago. I didn't hate it... John Tuturo plus Hummus gags equals satisfactory. Hmmmm...

Going into last night, I had zero faith in the American Electorate. How could I when GW was elected twice (regardless of Gore's victory)? People are obviously mentally handicapped on the whole. Look at those Sarah Palin rallies! FULL OF 'TARDS. I guess even a broken watch is right twice a day though, amirite? America elected the vastly more intelligent and presidential individual to the office. Democrats picked up Senate and House seats. For the first time in ten years, a liberal agenda (whatever that means) can and most likely will be put back into action. It's exciting stuff; as it represents a 180 from the theocratic movement that began to take over mid-Clinton. It's a brilliant opprotunity for some real change... I still find it hard to have faith in politicians to make change. A small CNN poll just taken suggests 94 percent of others feel like a new president can make a difference. It seems to me that if anybody could, Barack Obama should have a good shot. The celebration babies conceived last night surely have a much brighter future now than they might have otherwise.

It's noon. It's lunchtime.

Adam & Election Eve

Let's get this party started... right!. I failed to cast my early vote once again on Friday; actually standing in line at my polling station, but abandoning that line for some Chinese food. Today being my last chance to vote early, I shall try again. I have a strong uneasyness when standing around with strangers in a room. I anticipate that there would be less anxiety-inducing crowds today than tomorrow. In my head, it's a lot like going to the DMV... which tops the list of mostly non-lethal locations Billy doesn't want to go to, but has to every few years. Not a fun place. I'm convinced there's going to be some crowds at the polls tomorrow. I hypothesize that most people considering early voting today, figure they can just do it tomorrow... then Garfield would spew hatespeech at Mondays (in Bill Murray's voice).

Electric Six is occasionally reminding me of that "Space Lord Mother Mother" motherfucker... like if that dude effed Huey Lewis, then the sax player from the News delivered their child and raised it himself near a zoo (a good zoo with tapirs).


Werther's Originals old commercials with the grandfather giving his son and then his grandson a Werther's candy... those are great commercials. Every time I have a Werther's Original I think of a fictitious grandfather figure giving me the candy and then we go fishing. I don't really like fishing, especially when I catch a fish. I don't want to touch it; let alone, extract a hook from its lip. Gross stuff. Fictional Grandpa does all of this for me and doesn't secretly think I'm a sissy. I like him. I like Werther's Originals. Paid for by the Committee of Billy for Werther's Originals 2008.

Seriously, this Electric Six stuff is super sexy. It makes me wanna meet an older lady and reintroduce her to stamina, then toss a Take5 candy bar at her. It says everything. The chocolate says, "you're sweet." The pretzel says, "but watch out!" The bar's name says, "I'm going to pee... but then, we're going to get sexy again." The gesture of giving a gift after coitus makes up for an unspectacular beginning to the night.

----EDIT---
Here's what my ballots looked like!