Monday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. As of right now, today? I have kicked that sore throat's ass. Monday afternoon, I developed the sniffles. As of right now, today? I have kicked the sniffles' ass. Yesterday, I started to cough. This probably happened as a result of sniffle juice attempting to enter my lungs and my lungs kicking the sniffle juices' ass(es)... which obviously must have happened because as of right now, today? THE COLLECTIVE ASS OF SEASONAL COLDS WAS KICKED BY MY FOOT. How did I do it? HERE'S HOW!
- ONE-A-DAY MEN'S VITAMIN in the AM. (Just one, srsly)
- Two (2) GINKO BILOBA tablets in the AM. (I don't know wtf these do)
- A bowl of RAISIN BRAN! cereal in the AM. (Fuck yeah.)
- Poop one half hour after eating RAISIN BRAN in the AM. (Old people must poop a lot...)
- SUCRETS HERBAL COUGH SUPPRESSANTs throughout the day as wanted. (Delicious and Effective!)
- Drink LOTS OF SODA! (Fuck diabetes!)
- Eat TACOS from TACO JOHNS in the PM. (It's TACO TUESDAY!)
- Poop one half hour after eating TACOS from TACO JOHNS in the PM. (You may want to purchase a magazine. I suggest MAXIM.)
- Wake up feeling more fantastic than Mr. Fantastic. (although, he's never really happy with all of the world/galaxy/math problems left to solve... and with Sue cheating on him with Namor. SERIOUSLY!?! THE SUB-MARINER!?! He must go ass to mouth.)
That is a formula for success if your goal is to kick a cold's ass. It's been proven to work on 100% of Billys tested. Side-effects may include balding, intense Dr. Dogg cravings, and bleeding from the anus. If bleeding from the anus occurs, please call a doctor as this may be a sign that you have a knife-weilding demon living in your anus. If knife-weilding demon occurs, please call anybody you know who participates in LARP. They can rid you of this problem, but for a fee. Remember, in their realm, prostitution may be completely legal (and is probably taxed). Billy is not responsible for any harm that comes to you (anus included) should you try this or any similar method. Do not try if you're pregnant, have ever been pregnant, or knocked up a bitch.
Monday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. As of right now, today? I have kicked that sore throat's ass. Monday afternoon, I developed the sniffles. As of right now, today? I have kicked the sniffles' ass. Yesterday, I started to cough. This probably happened as a result of sniffle juice attempting to enter my lungs and my lungs kicking the sniffle juices' ass(es)... which obviously must have happened because as of right now, today? THE COLLECTIVE ASS OF SEASONAL COLDS WAS KICKED BY MY FOOT. How did I do it? HERE'S HOW!
That is a formula for success if your goal is to kick a cold's ass. It's been proven to work on 100% of Billys tested. Side-effects may include balding, intense Dr. Dogg cravings, and bleeding from the anus. If bleeding from the anus occurs, please call a doctor as this may be a sign that you have a knife-weilding demon living in your anus. If knife-weilding demon occurs, please call anybody you know who participates in LARP. They can rid you of this problem, but for a fee. Remember, in their realm, prostitution may be completely legal (and is probably taxed). Billy is not responsible for any harm that comes to you (anus included) should you try this or any similar method. Do not try if you're pregnant, have ever been pregnant, or knocked up a bitch.
2 comments:
i think ginko biloba just helps memory...
if you want vitamins to help your immune system, check out echinacea and also take zinc.
I guess the Ginko Biloba just helped me to remember to kick the cold's ass a bit more.
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