Dummy Up, Uh-Aowoh.

Spelling out sounds is an interesting way to waste more time than you intend. I ran into this for the first time a couple months ago when editing the notorious James Snaps! video. If you've seen the video, you probably wouldn't guess that I spent a fortnight translating those captions. I didn't, but nonetheless you would not have guessed that. It may've taken only an hour or so, I don't really remember... However, I distinctly remember that it took longer than I had expected! I ran into this not five minutes ago when titling this post, "Dummy Up, Uh-Aowoh." I was trying to translate Ben Weasel's 'whoa' in the refrain of the song "Dummy Up," featured on the album "Television City Dream" (my favorite Screeching Weasel album).

Brb. Suburban Rhythm album just finished downloading and requires me systematically creating a new folder structure, formatting the file names with correct capitalization, copying to iTunes music folder, adding to iTunes library, formatting ID3 tags, finding album art larger than 200 x 200 pixels, and finally listening to it!

Getting funky now... my final point here is that whoever creating the ottomottopea for the old Batman television series had it a lot harder than any of us may've realized. He was really good at his job too.



I'm quite disappointed that our great city doesn't have one theater that'll be showing the new Bruce Campbell movie, "My Name Is Bruce." Get some cajones you el theatres! The movie looks like Bubba Ho-Tep with Bruce Campbell playing himself instead of Elvis, but this is completely fine by me. They could remake Evil Dead again with Bruce as himself instead of Ash and I'd be tickled that were using my idea. All I'm saying is it doesn't matter what the plot is, Bruce Campbell is the lead; therefore, get the effing movie.


Another film coming up that I feel exactly the same about is JCVD. You've heard of this movie because it's the best idea to ever come out of whatever country Jean Claude Van-Damme is from. As a kid who saw Street Fighter in the theater at least three times (once at the old downtown movie theater, which was awesome but now is an elementary school), I am a fan of Mr. Claude Van Damme. There's a slew of other Van Damme films like Kickboxer that are all equally amazing. Now JCVD is old and JCVD has to kick some non-JCVD ass... in real (ficticious - granted this could've happened in Bulgaria...) life. Sounds awesome right? Yes. Unforunately, also not playing in the greater (says who!?!) Des Moines area. Yet, we get shit films like Happy-Go-Lucky. Fuck Happy-Go-Lucky. I feel a bitterness towards that film not unlike the feelings of a child towards some jerk who took his kite, ran around with it, then broke and stabbed him in the brain with said kite's non-string parts. He survived.

Off to write a fan letter to SouthSiderStudios' fullbodycast, free on iTunes. Podcasts are to boredom what Catholic Priests are to defenseless young Catholic boys.

Chiengarang!

I screened the movie Happy-Go-Lucky by myself at the Fleur last night. I had a choice between it and Rachel Getting Married, and I made a very poor decision. I had heard that H-G-L was an incredibly optimistic film; that it leaves audiences feeling just as happy as the lead character, Poppy. About fifteen minutes into the film, I realized I had been lied to. I spent an hour and a half waiting for anything to happen (and hoping that anything was the movie ending). It was brutal. Poppy is annoying, but nobody in the film seems to notice that. The only two scenes with any emotional value felt completely out of place due to the monotony of the story surrounding them (a scene involving a hobo, that left me wondering WTF; as well as what I assume was the climax of the movie: the final driving lession). I liked the idea of a light film; especially coming into today and the oppressive weather on the horizon. Unfortunately, this is not a light film. It's two hours of babysitting an adult, who may be retarded. I don't have the qualifications for such a task.

I plan to watch Rachel Getting Married this weekend. After H-G-L though, I'm leary of anything that isn't a silly comedy. I think I'll go see Role Models first... it looks like the type of movie I can't not like. Exhibit A) Paul Rudd. This fella fully won me over in Knocked Up, when referencing Back to the Future at the dinner table with Seth Rogen. However, his roles in Wet Hot American Summer, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Ten, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall have all been just as good. The only potential problem with this film is Exhibit B) Sean William Scott. I've enjoyed two of his roles out of however many he's done. The first being the redneck with a tranquilizer gun in Old School (which anybody could've played) and the second being an excellent performance in a move that I really enjoyed, The Promotion, opposite John C. Reilly. I'm hoping that he'll be more of the latter character in this film versus Stifler. Stifler is too much like a lot of people in real life that I hate for no reason beyond the way they carry themselves. This is why I don't go to Drink! the Original Fun Bar. Dudebros. Fuck dudebros. Maybe I'm just jealous that instead of intelligence, these cocky motherfuckers won out in the gene-pool where it matters (looks, gel-enhanced hair, social skills, and parents' money to buy lots of booze). Exhibit C) McLovin. It'll be interesting to see if McLovin can separate himself from SuperBad with this role and his upcoming caveman in the new Harold Ramis movie. Either he IS McLovin or a pretty decent young actor. Exhibit D) Cameos. There will no doubt be some appearances by people I enjoy seeing in movies. This is always a good thing. The only bad cameos involve Wonda Sykes... I'm looking at you Curb Your Enthusiasm. I dislike Wonda Sykes nearly as much as I dislike Queen Latifah. I'm not racist and/or sexist, I just hate these two women, especially the latter. My proof is that I don't mind Whoopi Goldberg (I used to watch Hollywood Squares everyday after school - Bruce Vilanch, ftw). Remember when Jimmy Fallon made a movie with Queen Latifah? Worst. Idea. Ever. What has Fallon done since? Actually, Fever Pitch was a pretty alright film... and aside from SNL, Mr. Fallon didn't have a great resume before Taxi... I am kinda looking forward to his and Lorne Michaels' take on late night next year; if only because it means Conan replaces Leno; therefore, no more Leno... Who in his or her right mind prefers Leno over Letterman? Fools!

...and I'm out.

Patting America's Collective Back vs. You Scratch Mine, I'll Scratch Yours

I'm not really sure exactly what to talk about now that Barack Obama has been elected. My diet is still going pretty well. I've also been forgetting about my OKCupid.com account a lot and am checking in only once a week or so now. Still haven't gotten those WTF Reports! Women... What else? I still need to find a day job. Any ideas? I watched You Don't Mess With the Zohan a couple days ago. I didn't hate it... John Tuturo plus Hummus gags equals satisfactory. Hmmmm...

Going into last night, I had zero faith in the American Electorate. How could I when GW was elected twice (regardless of Gore's victory)? People are obviously mentally handicapped on the whole. Look at those Sarah Palin rallies! FULL OF 'TARDS. I guess even a broken watch is right twice a day though, amirite? America elected the vastly more intelligent and presidential individual to the office. Democrats picked up Senate and House seats. For the first time in ten years, a liberal agenda (whatever that means) can and most likely will be put back into action. It's exciting stuff; as it represents a 180 from the theocratic movement that began to take over mid-Clinton. It's a brilliant opprotunity for some real change... I still find it hard to have faith in politicians to make change. A small CNN poll just taken suggests 94 percent of others feel like a new president can make a difference. It seems to me that if anybody could, Barack Obama should have a good shot. The celebration babies conceived last night surely have a much brighter future now than they might have otherwise.

It's noon. It's lunchtime.

Adam & Election Eve

Let's get this party started... right!. I failed to cast my early vote once again on Friday; actually standing in line at my polling station, but abandoning that line for some Chinese food. Today being my last chance to vote early, I shall try again. I have a strong uneasyness when standing around with strangers in a room. I anticipate that there would be less anxiety-inducing crowds today than tomorrow. In my head, it's a lot like going to the DMV... which tops the list of mostly non-lethal locations Billy doesn't want to go to, but has to every few years. Not a fun place. I'm convinced there's going to be some crowds at the polls tomorrow. I hypothesize that most people considering early voting today, figure they can just do it tomorrow... then Garfield would spew hatespeech at Mondays (in Bill Murray's voice).

Electric Six is occasionally reminding me of that "Space Lord Mother Mother" motherfucker... like if that dude effed Huey Lewis, then the sax player from the News delivered their child and raised it himself near a zoo (a good zoo with tapirs).


Werther's Originals old commercials with the grandfather giving his son and then his grandson a Werther's candy... those are great commercials. Every time I have a Werther's Original I think of a fictitious grandfather figure giving me the candy and then we go fishing. I don't really like fishing, especially when I catch a fish. I don't want to touch it; let alone, extract a hook from its lip. Gross stuff. Fictional Grandpa does all of this for me and doesn't secretly think I'm a sissy. I like him. I like Werther's Originals. Paid for by the Committee of Billy for Werther's Originals 2008.

Seriously, this Electric Six stuff is super sexy. It makes me wanna meet an older lady and reintroduce her to stamina, then toss a Take5 candy bar at her. It says everything. The chocolate says, "you're sweet." The pretzel says, "but watch out!" The bar's name says, "I'm going to pee... but then, we're going to get sexy again." The gesture of giving a gift after coitus makes up for an unspectacular beginning to the night.

----EDIT---
Here's what my ballots looked like!

So little to do and so much time to do it!

No time for a blog today (so yesterday's posting of our teams' NFC project will have to suffice). I must go vote (didn't do it Wednesday like I planned... got caught up in a moviefilm). Then I must go figure out a costume for the evening as DWS is playing a house party on the south side of town shortly after I get off of work tonight. BUSY TIME!

The Last Man

I Don't Know Much, But I..."

LOVE Horatio Sanz's impression of Aaron Neville; cocoa buttery goodness. ONTO TODAY! (I foresee many of these impromptu bastardizations of capitalization in today's entry, BEWARE!) I'm beginning to think that Bobby Moynihan (the newest Featured player on SNL) may be the long overdo replacement of Horatio's role on the show; which as I see it, was to be goofy and fun no matter what circumstance (a comedy sketch failsafe). I'm still raving over last week's episode, so I'll point out this example: Moynihan in the Asshole Advertising sketch, crying. BRILLIANT! You may go watch that clip on Hulu if you like... Hulu... Huuuuluuu... HULU!

Forrest Gump is on HBO at this very moment. Forrest Gump is in my opinion, the best movie that I, personally, enjoy.

I plan on rocking the vote shortly (Billy Shortly) after this little P.Diddy right here. Perhaps I'll write about my choices on Friday or Monday. The only candidates I've endorsed at this point are Barack Obama and The Guy Who Isn't Leonard Boswell. If somebody tells you that "Ut oh! I think I blog'ed myself totally just endorsed Tom Harkin via twitter!" then that person is a liar. I'm on the fence with Harkin. He's beginning to look a lot like Boswell... who looks a lot like Hillary Clinton (politically). That type of Democrat needs to be removed the same as the GOP needs to distance itself from Neo-Conservatives and the Evangelical Right. The last election was obviously a step in this direction, in that the people supported change more than their candidate. I think that some of that is definitely spilling over into this election, in addition to overwhelming support for a candidate people really believe in. As I've said, I don't believe in him so much... but I'm definitely very much supporting a vote for change.

I began a diet the day after watching the DWS show video... I hadn't realized up to that point just how much bigger I am these days. Without divulging the detail of an exact weight, I will announce that I've successfully shed nine pounds (-9 LBs) over this two weeks. It's my goal to triple that loss over the next month or so. GOALS!

Weekend in Review, NFC

NFC comes to an end this evening...

----Friday----

Friday night, I gathered with some of 48 Hour Film Project Des Moines' finest to receive our character, prop, line, and genre (Alex Watkins, chiropracter; a net; "Darn the luck!"; fantasy or film de femme). We chose to go with fantasy, probably because La Femme Nakita is the only Femme I want on my brain. Leather zip up onesie ftw. Some ideas came out, we settled, we threw out ideas for our story, then others departed. I stayed to help write the script. That was done at 2am, seven hours after we received our info. Leave, sleep, then return on Saturday around 11:30am, breakfast borrito in one hand and a can of Dr. Dogg in the other.

----Saturday----

I arrived to the fellas going over location and shooting plans for the day. Etc. etc. I depart with our director to pick up our lady talent... two beautiful young ladies; one of which I may suggest is the cutest lady I've encountered in my journeys. We wait around for them to take forever (I said they were ladies, amirite?). I then drove us to Ewing Park, where we wasted WAYYYYY (notice the capitalization with additional letters on the end for emphasis) too much time. It was pretty awesome to see the way this group works, with proper equipment and whatnot. The park was a great place to spend what'll probably be the last really nice Saturday of the year. Moving along, we got some footage at B&B Supermarket, downtown around Nollen Plaza, and at our Producer/Editor/Co-Writer's sister's house. By the last location, I was spent. I spent a lot of time in my car listening to Big D & the Kids Table, then Dr. Dog. It was just after we left the park when our director decided to veer away from our script in favor of some cheesier gag shots. Being the group's most novice member, my attempts to keep us on task were most futile and exhausting. I ended up driving the two actresses home all by myself, marking the first time I've been alone in my car with two ladies, let alone two very attractive ones. It was pretty super awkward as I had nothing to say (never do in those situations), but I survived and am stronger for it. I returned home to watch SNL and go to sleep.

----SNL----

This episode was without a doubt, the funniest this cast has put together. The Registered Sex Offender Trick-or-Treat sketch with Will Forte was fantastic. Jon Hamm's Don Draper and John Ham sketches must've made Josh Brolin envious. Why were all of Brolin's sketches so bad!?! I was worried about weekend update with Seth Myers as I've never seen him do anything funny. Amy Poehler wasn't there because Will Arnett's child was emerging from the murky depths (I realize the Lady of the Lake was Matt Besser, but it was a UCB sketch so the reference works!). I've gotta say, I didn't mind a solo Seth Myers. A couple of his quips came off somewhat Norm Macdonald, which I am a fan of. I suggest you go to Hulu and watch as much of this episode as is available.

----Sunday----

LONGGGG (see earlier parenthetical explanation) day. I worked from noon 'til five, then drove home for a snack before heading to band practice. After waiting for Kenny to show up, we practiced a couple hours and I headed over to meet back up with the NFC team. We ate some Jimmy Johns, chatted a bit about comics, Iron Man, The Dark Knight, and future Marvel movies. Then we parted ways so that Sam could get back to editing. The couple of bits I've seen of his work so far were excellent. I went over to a buddy's house, where we played some of the most epic Super Bomberman I've ever witnessed... dramatic draws like whoa. I'm pretty good at committing suicide via bomb in that game. I'm wondering if the Gaza Strip kinda looks like a real world Super Bomberman? I didn't wonder that last night though. I just went home and got my sleep on.

----NOW----

I'm going to head over the NFC team hub to record some voices and get my name in the credits a few more times! Actually, I've gotta add some pictures to this entry and get dressed before I head over there. Honesty.

----EDIT----

I'm not going to bother with pictures.

Time... Not space. What?

I'm taking today off to prepare for the National Film Challenge weekend that is upon us in just six point five hours. Sure, that's plenty of time to write down some thoughts (I'm am already here...); however, I'm not feeling very strongly (or even weakly) about anything today. Also, I have some podcasts to catch up on. I should probably also eat sometime soon... If you're bored enough to be here right now, I'd suggest checking our the new DWS MySpace page and "friending" us (if you're still on MySpace). After that, maybe hop on over to FunnyorDie.com and watch the Ron Howard video... I like that guy. When you're done with those things, you should come back here and leave some kind of comment. Maybe you could write a short blog of your own that may inspire me to resume blogging on Monday? I'm out of ideas.

Notice of Late NO Blog

I had intended to write up a blog update from here at work; however, I'm not feeling particularly bloggy. So, today equals another fail. Hooray!