Canon in D Remix (Remix)

I hope for your sake that you're ahead of the curve (me... I'm the curve) and are well aware of the unholy awesomeness of Ronald Jenkees. BEHOLD:

Ummmmm, wtf. It's like Harry Carry met Timberland; they get sexy and had a man-love child prodigy with mild Downs Syndrome. I'm listening to his album right now and will probably be listening to it all day because it is entrancing. (I'm currently tranced.) As a white male, I only tend to bob my head when looking at my tax forms (amirite all Black comedians!?!) A side-effect of being tranced appears to be head-bobbing. Has anybody else suffered these same symptoms? Let me know... we may have a class action lawsuit on our hands, here: Ronald Jenkees v. Mind Slaves of Ronald Jenkees. Anyhow, GET INTO IT!

I've played in bands off and on since sophomore year of high school. My first band ended up named "Out the Door" (I was dropped off at Kyle's house and didn't arrange for a ride home, much to the annoyance of Kyle and Steve, who didn't want to take me home. Something to the effect of "you just go out the door without thinking!" was said and the band was named). We played one show; a three song set that included a cover of the Ventures' "Pipeline" and two original songs, "My Velcro" and "JB Hates Ska." I then played solo for the first time when I sang another original, "Happy Belated Birthday (You're Retarded)." This solo moment spawned my acoustic solo project, Billy Confessional which lasted throughout high school; my one hit song being "Fat Gurl Likes the Pie." It was and still is atrocious. Before all of this, my buddies formed a ska/punk outfit in late 1999 named Driving While Stupid (after their second guitarist, a sterotypically bad Asian driver). After dwelling on the failure of OtD for a while, I formed my own ska/punk band, The Mailbox Snatchers. We played quite a few shows over a couple of years (opening for bands like The Slackers and Big D & the Kids Table, both in Iowa City) before fading into local band obscurity. DWS trudged along during this time, only once interrupted by aspirations of taking things seriously (see: The Contingency), but that didn't really work out (see: DWS's first full length "Contingencies Never Work"). After Mailbox, I was bandless for sometime. I recorded bass for an Eric and the Floaters split album with the Argos (even writing the bass line to "Unicron vs. Death Star") while hanging around sometime around 2003.
Fast forward a bit, Little Billy and the Naughty Thoughts formed as my first band completely sans ska. We played the GrandView College Talent Show, placed second and won $500. This remains the only money I've ever made from music. Meanwhile, DWS continuef with an evolving cast of members.
>>FORWARD>> I moved to Iowa City just before 2005, effectively ending my stay in the music scene. (It was around this time that DWS "broke up" for the first time.) After my then-girlfriend left me and I dropped out of school, there wasn't much holding me in the IC aside from my job. Shortly after I was fired from that job (Spring of 2006), I moved back to Des Moines and started jamming with my buddy Tony. This led to a new ska/punk project named Moving Mikey (after a game on Nick Arcade - we ran through many Mike O'Malley references before finally settling on another Nickeloden referemce). That lasted through two shows (including a trip to Wisconsin for Skappleton!) over about a years' time. (Meanwhile, DWS played a couple of reunion shows). After MM, Tony and I kept jamming, writing songs for a more agressive punk band named Banzai! Banzai!, but eventually his fiance became increasingly annoying (at least that's how I felt) and Tony couldn't hang out with me anymore because I didn't like her. That was and is still dumb.
>>FORWARD>> More time passes, it's 2008, and I'm hanging out with some of the dudes I used to hang out with before I moved to Iowa City. ( I still haven't dated a lady since the IC.) I am bored as are these dudes, some of whom were in Driving While Stupid... a band that I was still to this point never a member of. We started talking about playing some tunes, but nothing materialized until all of the sudden, about a month ago, DWS is back together and I'm playing guitar (about one month after I finally sold my amp). We've practiced a couple of times, not too much rust on their end, and in a couple of weeks:
Be there if you like... I'm not psyched at all about the venue and don't see mself hanging around, but it should be a good time while I'm there. We can chieng out afterwards! YEY!


Ronald Jenkees.

It feels like summer in late Setember

Not much to write (nor much time to write) today. The debate is all systems go for tonight! I'll be at work, but downtime should allow me to see most of what is said this evening. I'm pretty excited to hear what Barack Obama's thoughts are on the economic CRISIS... I'm guessing that'll only be a small part of the debate though as the subject at hand tonight is FOREIGN POLICY.
As much as I like Ron Paul's idea of what our foreign policy should be (bring all troops home except for those there at the behest of the foreign country and mind our own business as friends to all, while doing favors for none). However, at this point it'll take a very long time to get to such a place... so baby steps in the right direction, I beg. Let's cut troops in the areas they're not needed, bring home the soldiers whose time has been served, and reallocate remaining troops to areas where their presence will make a greater difference in tieing up current disputes (ie: Afghanistan/Pakistan). What if we weren't overextended in Iraq after Katrina/Ike? We could've had a much quicker response on the home front, maybe? Eh, but what do I know...
I brought up foreign policy and immediately started with the military... How NeoConservative of me! But an important part of not just Ron Paul's philosophy, but some may say the philosophy of our founding fathers, is being friendly with all nations but granting favors to none. Why are we such good friends with Israel? Is it because Jews have all the money? What great return do we receive from Israel for pissing off the Palestinians? Sure, their people are inherently funny and Curb Your Enthusiasm is a really good show, but... I just think that we should say, "sorry, dudes. We've like, got our own problems. Peace out? Kewl beanz."
Welp, as I mentioned, I've not much time. I've got cancer. It's really bad.

The Great Depression 2

I love podcasts! Every morning when I wake up there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed I have already downloaded new episodes of stuff that I want to see! Currently this is only VH1's "Best Week Ever" Podcast; as well as G4TV's "Around the Net" and "The Feed with Layla Kaleigh (babe? definitely.)." All of this content for frizzle mcfree! I highly suggest checking these out or (if you're not daft) to continue already knowing how cool this is. It's pretty cool.

Pollypop? Politics! Polysix? Politics! OK. I watched Michael Moore's "Slacker Uprising" yesterday morning and the only thing I'm taking away from it is the reminder that George W. Bush won re-election in 2004, the first time I was able to vote. If I remember correctly, John Kerry was leading in the polls leading up to the election and it seemed nearly a sure thing (or at least I figured) that he would win. Certainly a majority of Americans are not so ignorant to vote for ol' GW again... ugh - history. As it continues to appear that John McCain is throwing the election, what if people become comfortable with the notion that Barack Obama is going to win the election easily. That could easily lead to some apathetic support and less voter turnout and worst case scenario - President John McCain. Now that I know a majority of voting Americans are completely retarded, I have to hope for our nation that the intelligent people just don't vote. Otherwise, we're horribly outnumbered folks... Well, Smart People (starring Dennis Quaid and Juno), as Ron Paul said "I hope you've lost your apathy!" We're getting to the point where not much can be taken for granted in our country (as it becomes less and less in our control); this election cannot be taken for granted.

As I mentioned in my FAILed Monday blog, according to Facebook, a bunch of my "classmates" from high school sorta reunited last weekend. After looking at the pictures from the event, I'm pretty sure that not going was a good idea. There was only one person there (a ladyface) that I would like to see and talk to again. Otherwise, I didn't really talk to any of the dudes and the ladies were all married and/or preggerz. Grozz! I would like to take a survey of area high schools and compare the quality of the neighborhood the school is located in vs. the average age of the former students' children at the time of their ten year reunion. I bet my high school will have an abnormally high average age of children (no thanks to my non-reproducing ass). Dirty sluts... WHOA!!! WHOA!!!! I didn't mean that!

NEW TV SO FAR:
It's Always Sunny In Philadephia (Season Four)
- HILARIOUS!
How I Met Your Mother (Season Four)
- Not as consistently good or high a quality as previous seasons... yet.
Heroes (Season Three)
- Awesommmmmmmmeeeeeeeeee!!!
Other shows I will be watching this season include: Chuck, Pushing Daisies, & 30 Rock.
The great thing about my radio job is that for eight hours a week, I get paid to surf the internet and watch TV (and push buttons a few times an hour). This gives me the chance to watch all of these shows at my own leisure, thanks to the internet (I heart you!) and the resolution of new media rights settled in the Writer's Strike (this is probably not true). Thanks unions!!!

Monday=Fail

Under the false assumption that I have even one reader who is going to stop by today and wonder why there's no update, this post is to serve as notice. I don't have much to say today, and really, I kinda want to spend the next couple hours reading before I go to work at three. So, rather than bore the two of us with a review of Man On Wire (which was most excellent), a status non-update on my WTF Reports, or some words on the unofficial five year high school reunion that went down last weekend (sans Billy), there is this. I may still talk about any of those things, but it'll have to wait 'til Wednesday... I apologize that I couldn't provide any more time-consuming of a waste of time for you. As countless others, including Andy Samberg and Bill Hader, have said, "LATERZ!"

Where there's a Will, there's a dude probably named William.

ANOTHER WTF REPORT REJECTED! This one from the number three girl on the top five. This gives me a grand total of two rejects, one accept, and two remain pending... #1 & #4. I don't give a damn what number four thinks really... I couldn't live with myself proceeding forward with a number four. I do wish that number one would get off her ass and get back on her ass in front of a computer looking at her WTF Report Requests!!! How am I supposed to know if you're not dumb? Am I just supposed to message you based on my attraction to you from a profile picture? Do you wish me so shallow!?! Ugh. Maybe she already found love in the outside world... awwwww. That'd be adorable; but to quote Ben Affleck, "When Lord!?! When's gonna be mah time!?!" I'd go all Jesusy if it meant an increase in lady time... Jesusy... This pasta is good, but I just wish it was a bit more Jesusy.

I applied for a pretty Jesusy job yesterday. It was suggested to me by a pal that I should submit a resume to a very large Catholic church in West Des Moines, as they were looking for a full time audio engineer. "Well shoot," I said. "I've done been running audio boards for six years! But darn! I ain't got no Jesus in me!" My inner voice was raised in the Appalachians. I included with my resume, a cover letter that specifically noted that while tolerant of others' beliefs, I identify myself as an Agnostic. No Jesus gossip here, folks. I'm not so bold as to say it isn't possible (too many dumb arguments come from this statement)... I am so bold as to say that I find it very highly unlikely. I attended Church every Sunday morning while growing up. I have my own Bible with my name etched into the cover (It was a prize for remembering the Ten Commandments quicker than others in my class). I was into the story, but even through most of that time, that is all I looked at it as. This great story that supports the building of some very decent moral values (Disclaimer: only some, some of that shit is super outdated amirite?). It's an early childhood education tool that way too many bigkids are still more into than logic and rationale [a skill that science suggests may only be contained in a small percentage Y chromosomes (see: science)].
As I grew older, I realized that for some reason society made it necessary for me to arbitrarily identify my specific take on the subject at hand. After reading Bertrand Russell's Why I Am Not A Christian, I decided that whole fear of God thing really wasn't for me and having learned the opposite of Jesus is anarchy, I was an anarchist for a month or so. After learning that anarchy actually doesn't really have to deal with religion, I was an Athiest for a couple years. Then, I read some arguments people were having online in these magical forums. This is where I first read the word Agnostic. I looked it up and saw that it provided for total liberation from the discussion because you can apathetically be on both sides of the fence (without chafing). Since that time, I've seen no reason to change my stance on the subject. I figure that if I'm bleeding out, I'll probably say a prayer and if that doens't work and a vengeful mother fucker of a God doesn't want to hang out with me, I'll go to hell or wherever on principal alone.

I'm in Delaware...

I've got my turkey Lunchable and a bottle of water... it's bloggin' time! First things first, does anybody else think its weird that John McCain looks like he's got the driest skin but that it may be melting? I think it is weird. There's just no way that old so and so can possibly win this election. I don't think the red staters can mate, go 18 years into the future, find their future children (while avoiding their future selves for fear of undoing God's existence), and return to the present with their future children, amend the Contitution specifically allowing future citizens the right to vote in current elections, and then all vote for John McCain. Inconceivable! I really hope that Sarah Palin manages to stay in the media view though. It stands to give NBC audiences a couple more minutes of Tina Fey every week and the only thing better than that folks... is another couple more minutes of Tina Fey ever day.

I've recently come back around to the wonderful world of Lunchables lunch snacks; specifically, the original line-up of crackers, meat, cheese, and cookies. My favorite of these combinations is Cracker, Turkey, Cheddar, OREO Cookies! The Ham combo comes with Vanilla cookies, which are also pretty good. This brings me to wonder why the cocky bastards at OREO only bring out the vanilla cookies on occassion!?! Is chocolate sooooooo much better that you've decided, despite a hungry public, to latch onto and only promote the dark side!?! I have to rely on subpar cookie companies to provide me with a vanilla option and that truly a shame. Open your eyes OREO! There's so many more possibilities out there! What if you took one vanilla cookie with one chocolate cookie and put a strawberry cream in the middle... NEOREOPOLITANS®!!!

Oh, btw, one of five WTF Reports has been accepted. This led to further internet investigation (facebook search) and ultimately huge disappointment (the new facebook?) when I stumbled upon some unflattering pictures. Sorry, lady. Unfortunately, beggars can be choosers when it comes to love (I think Lars Ulrich said that back in '95ish). This is why I'm pretty sure evolution wants my blood line gone. I'm programmed to believe that any girl I'm attracted to has no interest in me; however, I lack 'what if scenario' programming that defaults to just settling for whatever I can get. That's buncombe! Somewhere along the line, my DNA dropped the ball.

Fever Pitch

A couple of months ago, a buddy of mine joined a 'find your perfect match' type of website. He told me a little bit about it and that at the very least, it increased the minute chance of him meeting a girl (and that the site is completely free). I was sold. He exited the site after about two weeks, after a meeting that didn't go so well. I've stuck with it and have just in the last week become more active within the site. The thing here is that I'm not very good with socializing in general, let alone when an attractive female is in the mix... it's a bit of a phobia. At my bank, there's one teller who is probably the cutest lady I've ever seen. When I see she's working, I can't go into the bank for fear of her talking to me (how do I know she's there? She was leaving while I was at the ATM one day, so I know what she drives... so I'm accidentally a stalker?). Anyways, I've recently worked up the nerve to request a "WTF Report" from a couple of Des Moines area singles. A WTF Report compares each of our answers to questions the site provides in order to get to know us. This way, I can get a better feel for how the lady whose answers I've requested and decide if I should take the plunge and message her. I requested two of these reports last week... they have been pending since. PENDING! THEY HAVE NOT YET BEEN REJECTED! I thought of this as a good sign. My profile actually requires a pause before rejecting! SCORE!!! This left me feeling a bit cocky, so I requested another WTF Report (membership drive for The Billy Club!). REJECTED! Of the six matches I approve of, this lady was #2 on the list. She looks very cute, kinda nerdy maybe, and possibly intelligent per her info. page. THIS IS ALL IT TAKES TO BE #2!!! She looked at my profile and said, "nope... not this dude." Ugh. Shot to the heart, baby (and you're to blame!). #3 and #6 couldn't make up their minds, and #2 votes neigh (as does Senator Mr. Ed, R-AZ). Do I even bother to ask #1 at this point? It's plainly obvious that the more interest I have in a lady, the less she has in me! Welp, I wasn't going to but I dared myself. It sounded like this: "I double dare you to do it, you sissy!" Then the Marty McFly in me asked, "you calling me chicken?" My Biff personality then replied, "I thought I told you never to come here again!" Then, I interrupted and said, "I'm just gonna do it." This happened just about an hour ago. "Great Scott!!!" All of this just to compare some thoughts with an attractive person without having to meet her. I'm going to have another fantastic trilogy's worth of material if she actually approves my WTF request...

We'll soon have you disco dancing with the best!

Wouldn't it be nice if our news organizations took their jobs seriously? I really enjoyed watching John McCain spew robot answers underfire by this no-name Maine newsguy. It's not specific to John McCain though. I wish that all serious political candidates had to face honest questioning. It'd be nice to get these figures off of their platforms and get a feel for his or her own knowledge, experience, and/or agenda. How odd is it that the only place to consistently see this type of news is on Comedy Central? I trust Jon Stewart more than my local newsteam... If those pudwacks were any good they wouldn't be in Des Moines, IA. What a mess.

Dillinger Four's new album Civil War leaked yesterday (whatever that means...) and somehow (I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!), I've listened to it (or have I!?!). It's effing gnarly! The recording is super clean (even cleaner than Situational Comedy), which I appreciate. I really dislike when "punk" bands produce "punk" recordings... LoFi doesn't hide that you're not very talented. I haven't really paid attention to the lyrics in these songs yet, but I suspect they're just as good as always. The vocal melodies are perfect though. Between D4 and the Lawrence Arms, I can't decide who I enjoy more. They both layer great dual vocals over aggressive tunes in a way that makes Billy full of happy. Anyhow, I'd be content for the above-mentioned two bands, along with Bad Religion and Pulley, to be the only punk bands whose music finds my earholes.

Burn After Reading tonight. I may even try to watch The Women at some point this weekend... Eva Mendes... grrrrrrrrrr. Definitely a Billy Certified Babe.

LAWLVERINE!

Don't get me started on this actual scene by the way... WTF were they thinking crediting anybody as Omega Red... let alone a tan dude with dark hair. Ugh. I can't wait for the Ultimate Bastardisation of Deadpool coming up next year in the Wolverine: Origins movie! BTW, the new Deadpool series starts today! I'll be reading issue #1 in about an hour.

EDIT:
This issue was AWESOME! Apparently, ol' Deadpool is a wee bit more delusional now.. and is having a three-way conversation with himself despite taking on a ship full of Skrulls by himself... but this issue sets the stage for some great books to come. Whew! Another big "whew" is due for Paco Medina's pencils as well. I really dig his style. I thought I'd read that Way was paired with Steve Dillon (from Wolverine: Origins) again, which would've been unfortunate news because Dillon's pencils are super weak. Medina was probably my favorite artist during Messiah Complex. He and Skottie Young (who was penciling covers for the Cable & Deadpool series towards its end) are both incredibly skilled. I iz envious? Yes.

Class of 2003-he-hee?

I have just returned from a voyage to the library (pronounced lib (like liberty)-rare-ee. Of special note, on the particular trip I traveled by foot. GTTSW (Grand Total of Time Spent Walking): 33 minutes! WHOO-HOOO!!! Conclusion: Walking takes roughly 4.5 times as long as driving to the library. I feel nearly as good about this as James Brown felt about whatever the hell he felt good about back in the day (too soon for a JB reference? Can I take it to the bridge?). The fruit of my exercise is Ron Paul's The Revolition: A Manifesto. I'm excited to read this and discuss it with my bearded pals. It's like a lumberjack book club... how fantastic! Other books I plan to read in the upcoming weeks: Jack Kerouac's On The Road; Nick Hornby's Housekeeping vs. the Dirt; Millard Kaufman's Bowl of Cherries; Josh Brandon's Arkansas; and Dave Egger's You Shall Know Our Velocity. I also intend to finish Voltaire's Candide, which I'm currently reading. After all of which I intend to give 'riting and 'rithmatic a try (they were REALLY stretching things for the whole three r's saying). I found most of these books thanks to McSweeney's Book List, a list from a site I found out about thanks to reading an interview with Michael Ian Black about his new book My Custom Van, which I also intend to peruse at some point soon. Damnit! There's also Chuck Klosterman's Downtown Owl and John Hodgman's upcoming book of More Information Than You Require! SO MANY BOOKS! SO MUCH TIME! Kewl beanz.

Des Moines Public School Board elections were yesterday... it was a record voter turnout too! A whopping ten to fifteen thousand people went to the polls and reelected the three incumbents, despite the wishes of talk radio host and overall horrible person, Steve Deace. I didn't vote in this election nor did I know anything about it at all until last night. As a dude without children or the prospect of children anytime soon, this election doesn't have any affect on me (that I can think of). This leads to my theory that the more sexually active a person is, the more political they should be. As a fella who ain't gettin' no play, I have very little reason to care about local issues. If I'm not at work, I'm either at home on the internet or hanging out with a buddy and not doing much. If I were in a relationship and getting busy like all of the time, I would care more about local government because I would be out in the parks, downtown, and need more money to fund love. Issues like abortion may come up... just saying! Maybe an oops happens and I have a child that will be entering the public school system in the next few years? ZOMG! I need to know about politics! Perhaps, I can work my way into this backwards... If I were to get political, would I then get more sexical? This is worth looking into.

Finally, I watched the Ghostbusters movies last night on VH1 (while at work on WHO, FYI). Non sequitur: Why is it VH1? Were they worried about another Video Hits channel coming along someday and even so, MTV isn't now MTV1... Weird. Anyways, a couple things I noticed about the Ghostbusters movies: Sigourney Weaver was WAY hotter in the first movie. She hasn't really aged poorly, but her sexitivity fell dramatically at that time. Another thing: those dudes smoked SO MANY cigarettes in the first movie... but I don't remember any in the second. Were they all on the patch? Lastly, the dude who played Tom Lennox on 24 and the Viggo fella aare both super creepy in the sequel. Why so creepy!?! If it wasn't for the Statue of Liberty's march to the museum, it would nearly make that movie unwatchable for me. SOOOO CREEPY!
There's news that the writers from The Office are writing a third Ghostbusters script currently, guided by Dan Ackroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ivan Reitman. Potentially Judd Apatow will produce this threequel, which could lead to new Ghostbusters like Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and/or any slew of current funny guys. I hope this happens. When I heard that Dan Ackroyd had written a script for Ghostbusters In Hell, I realized this is the one franchise that does need revived. The rumor that Bill Murray is on board sweetens the deal too. Very funny guys getting together with younger very funny guys and making a sci-fi movie with what should be a huge budget. Please happen.